I'm lost and stupid without you.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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