So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize