I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Are we still banned from the library?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
