Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
