i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
