batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
