i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
