you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
