My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Boobs speak an international language.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
