big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
