i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
