real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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