He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
