I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
