just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
