i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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