I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize