What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
