Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He shit in the fireplace
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
