he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
