sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize