Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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