ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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