THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
