Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
