Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
