dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize