If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
no you cant smoke seaweed
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
