She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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