so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
