Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
