Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
