I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
