the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize