Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
