dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
