I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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