i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
