Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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