He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
