xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
