He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
