Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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