I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
