The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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