First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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