so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
