Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize