dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
