I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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