I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Your tits are I can't wait for
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize