I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
