Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
how drunk are you?
Several
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
