I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
did you just send me my own nude
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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