Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
