I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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