Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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