Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
