He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
