i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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