He disabled his match.com account in front of me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
