She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
