the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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