No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
