his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Verdict: uncircumcised.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
