I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
