i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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