She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
