you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
