no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
