Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
