Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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