Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
