Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
