the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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