I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
