Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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