the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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