somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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