Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
