I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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