I want to have your abortion
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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