lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
