If i come over, it means nothing
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
