you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
