Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
