in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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