of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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