ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
