are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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