i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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