so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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