the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
