He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
