I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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