WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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