i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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