so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
