Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
