I feel like I'm in dance class right now
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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