careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize