Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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