No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
