I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
